I’m not exactly sure when this skill escaped me. I assume it didn’t happen over night, but perhaps it did. Or, maybe it’s been gone for a while, but I just noticed today. Like when you lose an earring, but don’t realize it’s lost until three weeks later when you only see one turquoise stud in your jewelry box.

Today I realized I have completely lost the ability to do one thing at a time.

Ironically, as children we are taught to do exactly that. We are taught to walk, and then talk. Taught to color, jump rope, eat with a fork, and brush our teeth. As kids, we followed directions and mastered the art of accomplishing one task at a time. We colored quietly at our desks, ate dinner at the table, and brushed our teeth standing in front of the sink.

Do you know where I brush my teeth? In the laundry room, while I transfer towels from the washer to the dryer. Yes, I realize that’s a ridiculous mental image because truthfully, how can one successfully brush their teeth while doing laundry? I’ll tell you how. I brush my teeth with my right hand, inhaling toothpaste and trying not to spit everywhere, while I transfer towels one by one with my left hand.

This must be the walking definition of inefficient.

Surely I am not putting forth a quality effort towards either task, and it’s obviously more time-consuming to transfer towels one by one while inhaling toothpaste, as opposed to transferring with both hands. But, who cares? The point is—I am doing two things at once! I’m practically a circus act! Look at me everyone! Look how I can multitask! I can sort mail while I cook dinner, and I can bake cookies while I clean. I can online shop while I upload photos, and I can tweet while I blog. I’m amazing!

Or, am I? Because sometimes I think I’m completely and utterly ridiculous.

When was the last time I just….ate a sandwich? No talking, watching TV, magazine scanning, or phone checking? Can’t remember. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I had one tab open on my Internet browser, which drives my husband b-a-n-a-n-a-s. I can’t seem to function without at least four tabs open at all times: e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, oh–and whatever it is I am actually supposed to be doing.

Am I too old to develop ADD? Because sometimes I think it might be happening. Almost as if my brain is on steroids and I can’t seem to help myself. First thing in the morning, I open my most important project, take a breath, and focus. Ding! My eyes jot down to the right corner. New e-mail in Outlook! Immediately ditch project to read e-mail. Oh, never mind, it’s not important. Back to the project. Tweet! New tweets loading in Tweetdeck! Anything interesting going on today? Not really. Back to project. Beep! What’s that? Text message! Let me just reply to that real fast. Ring! “Thank you for calling The Citizen…”

Oh look at that, time for lunch.

Sometimes I feel as if my life is one big cluster of dings and tweets and beeps and rings. And sometimes (confession), I really just want to hit the “off” button. Unfortunately, I can’t do that because fortunately I have a job, and that job requires me to be plugged in. Does anyone else feel like they occasionally suffer from technology overload? Or, is it just me? Is anyone else dreaming of quarterly technology-rehabs?

Thankfully, next weekend will be spent at the beach, where I plan on avoiding my phone like the plague. Seriously, if you see me on twitter please feel free to tweet-yell at me (in all caps).

In the meantime, I’ll be working on my ability to do one thing at a time. Starting now, as I shamelessly close my open seven tabs.

Help. Me.