trans·par·ent [trans-pair-uh
nt] –adjective: easily seen through, recognized, or detected.
A recent discussion among girlfriends centered around the question—what qualities do you find most attractive in other women? In other words, what draws you to become friends with them? Surely we know what qualities attract us to men, for we start noticing that around age _____ (answers may vary).
While my original answer was “women who are low-maintenance”, I later gave it some serious thought and settled on my final answer: women who are transparent. At first glance I realize this word has a negative connotation, but I would ask that you reconsider your grammatically instinctive feelings.
Transparent: easily seen through, recognized, or detected.
Now consider that word in relation to the heart. If you are transparent, I can see through you to the center of who you are. You are you, and you’ve always been you. You know your strengths just as well as you know your flaws. People can see them, recognize them, and detect them.
While I’m (let’s be honest) probably never, ever going to be low maintenance (sorry Brett), I am capable of achieving transparency. I want to be transparent. When you see me, I want you to see me. For all that I am, good and bad, and all that I’ve become.
Here’s a start for those of you who might possibly be interested…
I am impatient. Not like I hate traffic or waiting in line. More like if anything takes longer than 0.4 seconds (EVER), I become instantly annoyed. It is my biggest flaw and my greatest prayer that I will learn to master this amazing ability. I expect a lot from myself, which typically translates into expecting a lot from others, which typically leads to disappointment. I have a really hard time saying no. I enjoy giving gifts much more than I enjoy receiving them. I don’t forgive as easily as I should. I would do anything for my friends. I occasionally spend more time talking than listening and I am trying to change that. Sometimes I am too honest and it gets me in trouble. I doubt myself more than I should, and I’m not as strong as you think I am. I’m a clean freak, but I hate emptying the dishwasher and yes I realize that is ironic. Sometimes I love too hard, and sometimes I don’t love hard enough. I hate boats and will puke if you put me on one. I am incredibly stubborn but rarely admit it. I am allergic to rats, grass, and silicone. I use Brett’s allergy to shellfish as an excuse not to eat it myself because I don’t like it anyways. I always spell thesaurous wrong (see?). I wish I could sew but I’m not patient enough to learn. I love to write more than I love most things. I need to be more grateful. I watch the Real Housewives and am completely aware of how trashy it is. I can eat an entire bag of popcorn in less than two minutes. I fear not being everything I know I can be.
Will you let me see through you?
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Tags: transparency
I love this post, and I love this sentiment. I think that too often, we spend time hiding our flaws instead of being real. Oddly enough, I’ve found that the more transparent and “real” I am, the more people respond to me.
My flaws? Impatience. Using my wit to say not-so-nice things. Self-hatred. So many more.
Great post.
Great post and really seeing people–
I love to send my kids to school to have a break and I yell and I don’t have the patience to homeschool. I too am very stubborn and Love my ice cream with magic shell. Give me a book and I’m happy.
julie@my5monkeys´s last blog ..Intercept- Book review
Thoughtful post and very true.
On a side note, how does one discover an allergy to rats? Not mocking, it’s just interesting to me.
Danielle´s last blog ..Best Safeway Green Deals 5/5 to 5/11
Thanks Danielle. Since you asked…a childhood friend once owned a pet rat, whom I found very endearing. One day I held it for a while, and let it crawl up my arm, over my neck, and down my other arm. Two minutes later I broke out in hives in the exact same place the rat had walked. So, I am either allergic to rats, or rat feet. Jury’s still out.
Ashlee,
Thanks for the transparency
Love this post and LOVE your blog! You are an incredible writer!! Thanks for sharing your heart with everyone!
xoxo, Brandee
i would have never though about being transparent in this way before and you’ve got a very interesting deeper take on it.
p.s. i think you should just tell people you’re allergic to rat feet (not the rats themselves, just their feet) it sounds way more funny.
iris ashley´s last blog ..c is for cooky
This is so well put – this is exactly what I try to strive for, but I love putting it in terms of transparency =)
Kyla Roma´s last blog ..After the After Party
This is beautiful…I’ve always been a huge proponent of just being who you are. That’s not to say just being content with things you actually want to change, but being honest about your motivations, your weaknesses, and your aspirations. For example, I know I am supremely lazy and am completely to blame for my own weight gain, which I will make no excuses for, but I also desire to be healthier and be able to run a mile without dying, and I’ll be honest about that, too. To this day, it is the one largest thing my mother and I fight about–she thinks I shouldn’t let people see my flaws, but I feel like my flaws are what makes me me, and I just can’t hide it.
The Real Housewives are very, very addicting. So are Kimora and the Kardashians.
Angeline´s last blog ..All buttoned up and nowhere to go
This post really resonates with me.. I think it is important to let people in and see all the facets of you… Being who you are is key… you were made to be you and no one else. Looks like you are really embracing that truth love.
Best,
Hannah Katy
Hannah Katy´s last blog ..Yes, that’s right, Lil’ Wayne taught me to live with intention.
First time by your blog and I really love this post because it makes me want to come back and read more. Very well written.
This is beautiful, and I have to wholeheartedly agree.
LiLu´s last blog ..Clichés Are Stereotypes For A Reason. Or Something.
Ashlee, love love love this post!! so insightful. I am right there with you in that what I thought I initially looked for in girlfriends was a sense of “low maintenance.” And while I definitely appreciate that quality in other women, I think the strongest friendships are most quickly formed when both people are not only true to themselves, but open about themselves (vulnerabilities, weaknesses, goals, dreams, insecurities, even motives). I am learning the value of openness and transparency in my marriage, and you are so right in how important that is to friendships as well. When I think about the women who I’ve met whom, despite all our similarities, I still haven’t formed a connection with, in retrospect I think it comes back to transparency… I just never realized it before!
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