Well friends, my brief stint in unemployment is officially over (knock on wood). I’d be lying if I said the past 6 weeks were nothing but pain and misery, for there were certainly some sweet moments to cherish. With that being said, I have written a few farewell letters for this special occasion:

Dear Bed,

It’s been nice spending extra time with you these past six weeks. Even more so, it’s been nice having the time to make you every morning. You are so pretty when you’re made. Don’t worry—I promise to visit you for extended periods of time on Saturdays and I’ll try to make you at least three times a week (don’t push it).

Dear Couch,

Thank you for supporting me, literally. Laptop in my lap or book in my hands, you provided a lovely resting place for me. We made some great memories….remember the 4 hours we spent together while I read the last part of Breaking Dawn? It was a perfectly beautiful lazy morning and I loved every second of it.

Thank you also for letting me nap on you. I know you’re not a bed, but I appreciate the fact that you occasionally let me treat you as such.

Dear Laundry,

I have kept you clean, folded, and put away for six straight weeks. I would like to take this time to thank you for your cooperation, and apologize for the monstrosity that is about to ensue. It was great while it lasted.

Dear Makeup,

You’ve been pretty neglected lately, and for that I am sorry. The good news? My new job requires me to be somewhat presentable so you’ll be seeing much more of me.

Dear Sweat Pants,

You and I have spent a LOT of time together, and I thank you for keeping me cozy. Although you will be somewhat neglected now, I promise to put you on at precisely 5:30pm when I get home. So rest assured—you will definitely be missed (probably the most).

Dear Craigslist,

I wish I could say that I’ll miss you, but we all know that’s not true. Thank you for informing me of the good, bad, and ugly job opportunities in this town. And thank you for cooperating while I impatiently hit “refresh” approximately 24 times in one hour. I know you’re heartbroken, with me being one of your most frequent stalkers visitors and all. But good news! I am on the hunt for a rotary phone and three vintage suitcases, so we might meet again soon.

Dear Oven,

This pains me almost as much as I know it pains you. Although my free time to bake will most certainly decrease, I promise to spend as much time with you as I possibly can. Evenings, weekends….whatever works best for you. I love you so much, and I always will.

Dear Treadmill,

Well, it was fun while it lasted—and you can’t say we didn’t try, right? Thank you for helping me burn enough calories to balance out the six hours I spent sitting on the couch every day. I will try to visit you occasionally, although I make no promises as to how often. I hope we can remain friends.

Dear DVR,

Thank you for providing me with so many much-needed distractions. Anytime I felt a nervous breakdown brewing, I knew one hour with you would take my mind off of everything. I truly appreciate your ability to faithfully record reality educational TV shows for me.

and lastly….

Dear Bank Account,

I’m sorry I have not been contributing to you lately. Trust me, it has hurt me more than it has hurt you. But, no need to dwell on the past, right? I promise to start making contributions as soon as possible. Please forgive me for slacking. It won’t happen again.

All my love,

Ashlee

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Tags: farewell, letters, unemployment

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