the second baby.

For Carson.

Carson-22

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I’m sitting in bed while you lay next to me, blowing bubbles and giggling at yourself. Occasionally I stop typing to make a funny face at you, and you laugh hysterically. You think I am hilarious, and it does wonders for my confidence these days.

You’re supposed to be napping.

Your brother is with the babysitter, and this is one of two pockets of time I get with you each week, just the two of us. I think you know when he’s not home, and like to protest naps just so you can get more attention from me. You’re pretty smart.

You’re six months old now, and only weigh 12 pounds. Maybe you’re up to 13? I could carry you all day long, it feels like carrying a pillow. Your tiny body fits on my hip, in the crook of my arm, against my chest, in my lap. No matter where I put you, you fit, like an enchanted puzzle piece. I spent my whole pregnancy worrying about how I was going to make room for you. Our life with one kid felt full and busy and consumed, and I wasn’t sure where or how you were going to fit into that space.

And I can’t explain how you fit now.

You just do.

You are the typical second baby. You go with the flow, you watch everyone else, you wait your turn. You have spent so much time in that rockaRoo, just sitting and watching and waiting your turn. A few times a week, I carry you in from the garage in your carseat, plop you down on the kitchen floor, still strapped in, and make lunch for your brother. You just sit there quietly in your carseat, watching me wash raspberries, chewing on your teething keys like you have all the time in the world. You are almost always fed second, changed second, bathed second. Patience is your virtue.

You’re drinking from a bottle now (hallelujah!) and experimenting with solids. I am trying hard to fatten you up, but you remain small and sweet and everyone who meets you says, “He’s so tiny!”

You are tiny. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Time moves faster with the second baby, so you can stay as small as you want, okay?

You love baths. When you hear the faucet turn on, you start kicking your legs wildly and smiling at me with those big blue eyes. You know what’s coming. As soon as I place your squirmy little body in the bathtub, your face lights up like a Christmas tree. You kick and kick and kick some more, almost as if you’re trying to swim. You love the whole process: the soap, the warm water, the cozy towel, the lavender lotion massage. And to think, I was only bathing you twice a month for a while. I’m trying to be better about that now since I know you love it so much.

I’m trying to do a lot of things better, actually. I’m trying not to be so frustrated when you don’t nap at the same time as your brother. I’m trying to find ways for us all to survive the witching hour without completely losing our minds. I’m trying to close my laptop more often when I can tell you need attention.

I’m trying to make you feel special, to make you feel known. I’m trying to find space in my day to give you all of me, even if it’s just for a few minutes. I really am trying my best, and I hope it’s enough for you, sweet boy.

At the end of the day, I want you to know this:

You are loved. You are wanted.
You belong here, with us, and there is more than enough room for you.

 

Carson-3 Carson-4 Carson-5 Carson-6 Carson-7 Carson-8

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17 Responses to the second baby.

  1. Marisa says:

    Oh he is such a sweetie! My second is due in 3 weeks and this post gives me so much hope for a nice transition into parenting 2 kids.
    Marisa´s last blog post ..what no one ever told me about being a mother

  2. Kelly says:

    So great, Ashlee. I’m crying at my desk right now. Time moves too quickly. Piper was my tough baby and I feel like Charlie got so much less of me when she came. Thinking of it makes me sad. I know God was there with us and covers the whole situation with His grace. But it still is such a tender thing for me. Loved hearing this story.

    Love,

    Kelly G

  3. Kaylan says:

    Oh, he is so adorable Ashlee!! Love your genuine words and thoughtfulness.
    Kaylan´s last blog post ..March- Then and Now

  4. Saskia says:

    *sighs* This warmed my heart. It’s so beautiful. I can feel your love for him in every word you wrote.

  5. Ashley says:

    This kid looks more and more like you every day! 😉

  6. Jenn v says:

    I loved reading this! I am six weeks away from having my second baby and as my first is only 19 months old I’m pretty nervous how this second one will fit into our lives and into my heart. I just know I will love him but I’m also super nervous that I won’t have enough time with him. Thank you for this encouraging post! You are a great mom!
    Jenn v´s last blog post ..ANNETTE LAKE / A STELLER STORY

  7. Jessica H says:

    He is such a cutie!

  8. Katie says:

    I can’t get over how much Carson and Everett look alike! Your sons are beautiful and so are your words, Ashlee.
    Katie´s last blog post ..Music is hope

  9. Brooke says:

    You have an adorable little man! Congrats on making it to the 6 month mark, such fun to follow! So, just out of curiosity, how did you finally get him to take a bottle. My third babe is 10 weeks now, I went back to work part time Monday and she still won’t take a bottle. Not the Advent, Tommee Tippee, Dr. Brown’s…you get the point! I’m able to feed her on my lunch break but for many reasons her not taking a bottle is challenging, as you know!

    • Ashlee says:

      Oh no! What finally worked for us: I went away for the night. One whole night. He had many opportunities to be hungry 😉 And we bought faster flow nipples! (that might have been the problem all along, to be honest). Also, Carson likes his bottles REALLY warm. That might help too? So sorry momma, good luck!!

  10. Ashli says:

    Ashlee – This is so beautiful and precious. It made my heart ache for my little one as I read your words.

  11. Vivian says:

    What a wonderfully sweet and inspiring post! And I’m hoping for a “go with the flow” #2!

    xx Viv
    Vivian´s last blog post ..Toddler Tuesday

  12. Angela says:

    Such a sweet post! They both are just too cute!
    Angela´s last blog post ..My Second Stitch Fix

  13. Megan says:

    This is so beautiful. My daughter is one, and I already worry about how we would add another baby. It feels like all the corners of my heart and day are already so full. Thank you for being honest that you struggled with the same feelings, but that there is more than enough room for both your boys.
    Megan´s last blog post ..lana gray: one year old

  14. Anne says:

    13 pounds, ahh so tiny! I can’t imagine. What a sweetheart. I’m hoping my second will be just as patient.
    Anne´s last blog post ..Our Easter

  15. This is like EXACTLY where I am, right now. Baby #2, 6 months old, go with the flow, loves her baths (that are also infrequent).. But she’s my little girl after a boy (which scared me enough, besides the fact of fitting in another family member). I think I take longer to ‘bond’ with my babies than most moms, but it’s ok and I love them more than life itself; I realized how much she gets 2nd place, so I’ve started to push supper a little later so I can get her out of her seat and just HOLD HER when we get home. Thank you for putting in words how I feel so much right now. Such a sweet little boy you have, and as always, thanks for sharing. 🙂

  16. Suzanne says:

    I just love this! It gave me goosebumps!

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