friendships worth fighting for.

Oh, friendship. So good, so hard.

My friendships have changed a lot in my twenties. I think that’s a pretty normal post-high school and post-college transition for most girls, right? It’s a time where most of us are soul searching and changing, chasing dreams and getting married, a time where we are hopefully becoming more comfortable in our own skin and more grounded in who we are.

As I’ve gotten older, my friendships have also changed. In my early twenties I went through a process of letting go of a few friends, while one close friend let go of me. It’s ironic how being on one side doesn’t feel like a big deal, but when you’re on the other side, it can be The Biggest Deal In The World. In my mind I had plenty of reasons to let go of friends (We’ve grown apart! She’s so condescending! We have nothing in common anymore! I’m the only one putting in effort!). Friendship can often be selfish in that way—as soon as we’re not getting what we want out of it, we can choose to walk away. At the time I felt justified in my actions, but after being on the other side of the coin, I often wonder: did I give up too easily?

I have been the friend who leaves and I have been the friend who is left. By far, the latter is much harder to accept. This happened to me once a few years ago and it cut me deeply, like a wound that never fully healed. This friend and I were close. Very close. Like, she-was-in-my-wedding-and-I-was-in-hers close. To this day I am still unsure of what really happened between us. There was an e-mail full of accusations, and then it was over. I tried to understand, I tried to reason, I tried to defend myself, but it was over before I really got the chance to do any of those things. She was done. Years and years of friendship, gone, poof! Just like that.

I was crushed. How could she give up on our friendship so easily?

I remember telling the story to a group of close friends right after it happened, repeating the hurtful e-mail contents through tears on Sharon’s couch. Everyone consoled me and reassured me that it was her and not me, which is irrelevant but probably what I needed to hear that night. Sharon e-mailed me the next day and promised that no matter what happened between us, she would never abandon our friendship. She told me that if an issue or conflict ever arose between us, she would bring it to me and we would work it out.

It was one of the most profound, yet simple e-mails I had ever received from a friend. Sharon was, essentially, promising to fight for our friendship.

Her words made me feel surprisingly safe. No argument or misunderstanding would rip us apart over an e-mail; our friendship was too good for that. Our friendship was too strong for that. And what an amazing feeling that is, to be secure in something as essential and life-giving as friendship, to know that your relationship is not contingent upon your ability to always do the right thing or say the right words. How comforting to know that we are all human and we all mess up from time to time, but that with forgiveness and grace, we can move forward together in friendship with one another.

I’m not a perfect friend. I’m not even always a good friend. I certainly try to be. Sometimes I wonder what friendships would look like if we treated them more like marriage. When Brett and I get into a disagreement, for example, it’s not my first instinct to walk out the front door. I don’t hire an attorney and file for divorce every time there is conflict between us. We are committed to each other, forever and always, no matter how hard things get.

That level of commitment is obviously designed for marriage, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if we applied a lesser version of it to our friendships? What if we vowed to love our friends for better and for worse?

What if we stopped giving up on friendship so easily and vowed to fight for it instead?

Make no mistake, I understand that there is a time for letting go of friends. I’ve been there. But once you get to the point in your life when you’ve found your inner circle, your people, the ones who visit you in the hospital after giving birth and bring you chocolate when you’re having a crappy day and let you cry on their couch about the hard things and pray for you on a regular basis, isn’t that worth fighting for?

I believe it is.

Have you ever experienced a friendship breakup? Did someone give up too easily, or did you fight to fix it? Let’s chat about it in the comments…

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47 Responses to friendships worth fighting for.

  1. Jo says:

    This post really spoke to me. Thanks for writing it. It’s true what you say: what if we were more committed to our friendships like we are to our marriages? I’ve recently had two friends come down on me hard. They feel that since I got married last summer and since I started working full time in March I haven’t been making enough of an effort for them. I felt really sorry and I expressed I was sorry but I also felt defensive because I can honestly say I haven’t had one full day to myself in the past 6 weeks. I am certainly not complaining about that. I like where my life is going. But I am not a single college girl anymore who can crash on your couch in the middle of the week. Both girlfriends don’t seem to understand that. I haven’t spoken to them since we talked. This post made me realize I need to get in touch with them again. Even if they don’t understand where I’m at in my life right now I can still reach out to them and show them that I care.

    • Ashlee says:

      If I only got one comment on this post today, this is the one I wanted. Thanks for sharing, Jo. I hope everything goes well when you reach out to your friends.

  2. Christine says:

    My biggest friendship break was mutual to a point–I was the one who took the steps of “un-friending” and “un-following” although it was after a few choice words and a few messages that left me in tears. I made some mistakes that ultimately changed things, as did she. She wrote me a birthday message a couple of years after it happened, and while I appreciated the gesture, it was clear to me that the break was irrevocable. But lessons can always be learned from our mistakes, and I’m much more careful when it comes to treading the line between BFFs and boys and I’m more honest about mistakes when they happen. I feel very fortunate to have a small group of friends who I wouldn’t trade for the world, who have been there through thick and thin (and, more appropriately) near and far–including ones like you! Grateful for the incredible circle of support in my life, and I’m willing to fight to maintain it. xo
    Christine´s last blog post ..Postcard from Ground Zero

  3. brittney says:

    I needed this! The past few years I have changed a lot and so have my friends, and thus so has our relationships. Some lasted, some didn’t. And at the beginning, that was ok to me because I was acknowledging people evolve and some friends are meant to come and go, last for a time not forever. I’m not so sure anymore. What if we hadn’t given up so easily? What if we fought? I recently rekindled a friendship of someone who hurt me and I was waiting around for her to initiate our resolution. When it never happened, I realized if I wasn’t going to, it may never happen. What mattered more to me? So I did, and it really wan’t as a big of a deal as I thought it would be. Friendships at our age are hard to come by, it’s difficult to make new friends and have the intensity and closeness we desire and need. That takes years to cultivate. I loved this post-thank you for being so vulnerable.
    brittney´s last blog post ..Me

    • Ashlee says:

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Brittney. I like what you say here: what mattered more? Sometimes it’s hard when our pride gets in the way, but I think more often than not, friendship means more than “being right” 😉

  4. It’s funny, I was still really close friends with my HS girlfriends and made a couple close friends in college that I’m still close with. All of them were in my wedding and the friendships have been maintained. I’m the first of the group to have a baby and when one of my HS friends got married this last year, she told me I couldn’t bring baby to her wedding. He was just 3 months old and were traveling to be there. So I said, well I guess I can’t go! I was so upset and she was upset that I didn’t go and we still haven’t talked. We’re going to have to see each other quite a bit this year b/c a mutual friend is getting married. Will be very interesting to see what happens for here. But I think becoming a mom gives you new priorities and you do outgrow certain friends, like I did in this case. So glad you took the time to share. Really resonated with me today! xo
    natasha {schue love}´s last blog post ..Mama + Mini Me Style

    • Ashlee says:

      It seems like after weddings and after babies are two times when friendships can change, so you had quite the double whammy there. You’re right though, becoming a mom changes your priorities and you can definitely outgrow some friends in that process.

  5. Melissa N. says:

    Oh Ashlee. I don’t know if there is such a thing as an internet friendship connected on some different wave length, but you my friend speak to me in a way no one else really can. I literally wrote a very similar blog post last night and had it queued up to post today…and here you are. Speaking my every word out into the open. Saying all of the things I need to hear and simultaneously was going to say myself. I don’t know how you do it.

    I am also going through a rough time right now with a really close friend. We used to be best friends. She was also in my wedding (MOH) but after that…and during the planning of it as well, things started to feel different. I could never really put my finger on it. Was she jealous of something? Did she have something better she’d rather be doing with her time? Was it me? Does she even care about me the way I care about her? These days, I don’t know what to think anymore and it became apparent to me yesterday that I need to do something about it. I’m tired of the gray area. I want a friend who supports me in everything I do and pushes me to be the best me I can be. Similar to the way I view my husband. Why can’t the same expectations apply? What is it all for if we don’t fight for what we believe in and in the friendships that make us more whole?

    I feel like I’m rambling right now, so I’ll leave with this. Thank you for this post. I feel like no matter what, I can always come here to this space and feel a connection with a friend.

    • Ashlee says:

      Oh Melissa. I adore you. That is so, so hard. I have been there. I shed a lot of tears over this broken friendship and couldn’t understand why it was happening. I hope you can approach your friend in love, and maybe ask the tough questions that need to be asked, and get to the bottom of what has happened between you. And if it is possible for a reconciliation, I hope that it’s a smooth one. And if it’s not, just know you’ll be okay. You have a lot to give and offer as a friend, from what I know of you, and there are plenty of people who would benefit from your friendship! All my love. 😉

    • Beth says:


      I had the exact same thing happen to me with my MOH. We were extremely close since HS, but she was literally angry at me when she found out I was getting married 3 months after her and everything snowballed after that. She was mad at every aspect of my wedding planning process because she thought I was trying to “compete” with her wedding. That couldn’t have been further from what I was trying to do – that’s just not the kind of friend I am. She was clearly just jealous. She was the cause of multiple crying breakdowns throughout my entire engagement. Another girl involved (who was a bridesmaid in both of our weddings) was manipulating my MOH along the way trying to convince her that I was evil. This girl was like obsessed with my MOH in a very strange way and I think was just mad that she wasn’t the “best friend.” I kept telling myself my MOH would go back to the person I used to know once the wedding was over, but I was wrong. Then it became all about decorating and using Pinterest – I was “copying” her because I was using Pinterest as my inspiration to decorate my house after the wedding. I no longer have those two girls in my life.

      I view my twenties (I’m now 28 and pregnant with my first) as the decade that I found my soul mate (my husband) and I’ve realized who I am and what is important to me in my friendships. An ended relationship is hard, but it’s a lot harder to be in a toxic friendship with someone who is never and never will be happy for you. I want only supportive friends who are uplifting – if that doesn’t describe you, you’re probably no longer in my inner circle – and that’s just fine with me 🙂 Keep your head up! Bad friends will only bring you down – and trust me – the issues will likely extend beyond your wedding.

    • Marie says:

      Hi ladies, thanks for these posts, I just needed to read something that would help me decide what to do next, as I am in a similar situation; years of friendship going out the window. Things haven’t been the same in a while, but being the nice person that I am, i ignored that there was ever a problem and just tried to do the best i could to be a friend. That is until I got engaged and suddenly realized that a friend would have called me and been there for me. People that I didn’t even consider friends, and just acquaintances, went above and beyond to wish us well and even hugged me showed me more love in just a few minutes, it was an eye opener for me and since then I’ve done nothing but dwell on this. I think i even went through a few months of depression. she was to be a part of my bridal party, and now i fight with myself everyday, wondering what i should do. I’m hurt, yet she will never understand. I feel like she never appreciated or valued our friendship as I have. I’m not sure if its even worth fighting for. I feel used, like I’ve only been there when she needed me, but now that she doesn’t nothing matters. Ive always been the one to go back, and pretend nothing ever happened, because I understand we are human and we aren’t perfect; we make mistakes. After several emails back and forth, we have still not resolved, but only have spoken briefly via texts and FB, as if nothing ever happened. I don’t want a fake friendship, I’m afraid to continue this way, this isn’t my definition of friendship, So what do I do? do I ignore it and have her in my bridal party? or do I let it be and move on? Help please

  6. Ana says:

    Oh I went through some thing like that last year. She was in my wedding too. I can’t help to think that it’s just part of life. Sometimes people simply choose different paths. And that’s ok too.
    Ana´s last blog post ..April Goals.

  7. San says:

    Oh my, that one hit close to home. I am usually on the “being left” side, because I try to hold on to EVERY friendship (even the ones I should maybe just let go) way too hard. I always want to try and fix those relationships. It kills me to know that someone is unhappy with me or holds a grudge against me.

    I usually always tell my friends that – if there ever was something that bothered them – they should speak up! I am not afraid of honest conversations. Sometimes though, people just don’t want to talk it out, but take the easy route out. I am not that person. I will always inquire and try to set things right again. Nonetheless, I have lost friendships, even ones that I thought to be rock solid.
    San´s last blog post ..Easter weekend

    • Ashlee says:

      You’re totally right. When I was younger (like early twenties) I always took the easy route. I’d rather just walk away than have to deal with conflict, although this was usually with friends who weren’t that close of friends. It’s crazy because now, I feel like my friendships are so close and so solid, I can’t imagine just walking away from any of them over one disagreement or something small!

      It’s good that you’re the type who fights for friendship….I just hope it doesn’t leave you disappointed too often 😉

    • Kara Keller says:

      I am very similar to you, I just got left by my best friend, and it is brutal. I am on the first month after, and I am seriously crushed. She has been married for five years, an she and her husband had issues with infertility, and she confided in me about some things, and I never said anything. One day her husband came and blew up at me for knowing, and she never spoke to me again. I never told anyone anything, she just left me. I miss her and I desperately want her back, but what do I do?

  8. Jill says:

    I was diagnosed with breast cancer in August 2012 at age 31 and I’ve been going through treatment ever since. Going through such a major life change and crisis really showed me the true colors of which friends I can lean on and which friends I probably should have parted ways with long before this happened. It’s been difficult and surprising, but a blessing at the same time. I look at life and all my relationships in a new way now. The people who have supported me and been there for me through my darkest times weren’t necessarily the people I expected but are people I now know without a doubt are worth fighting for. As for the ones I’ve parted ways with, I wish them well, but I know they do not hold a place in my life anymore and as difficult as that is, I’m ok with it.
    Jill´s last blog post ..Sick and tired of being sick and tired

    • Ashlee says:

      Hi Jill, thanks so much for your comment. I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. My close friend’s husband went through a battle with cancer last year, and I remember her telling me once that she felt fortunate to have experienced the type of community that rallied around her during that time, and that most people will never in their whole life experience having a “small army” in their corner like they did. There were plenty of things to be worried about, scared about, angry about, etc, but one of the positive things that emerged during that difficult time was their friendships.

      And today, right now, I am praying that same blessing over you. I pray that first and foremost, God would heal your body, fully, and bring you out of this a stronger woman. I pray that God would use this story as a testimony for you, and that you would be able to encourage and mentor others who are walking a similar walk. And I pray that God would surround you with a small army, an army of capable and wonderful and generous friends who know how to be there for you, who know how to listen without offering advice, who know how to let you be sad and let you be angry, and who know how to lift you up with words of encouragement and support and snacks and magazines and any of the other tiny things that can make you smile in the midst of this time.

      You’re brave, and strong, and I’m thankful for your honesty.

  9. great blog and points – i learnt from one of my best friends about holding on to friends by watching him in action with some friends [on more than one occasion] who i would have booted early on because of the way they treated him and he eventually did let go of them but after extending so much grace and love and always i think leaving the door open for them to return and i think that is the key – let your friends unfriend you – except maybe in extreme circumstances [but then we need to look at the example of Jesus – denied, betrayed, abandoned and yet He returns to them and gives them all another chance and not just as second tier friends but as the ones who will be responsible for His most important mission [and essentially His bride if we take on the metaphor – I’ve always wondered what Jesus’ response to Judas would have been if he had returned and asked forgiveness but imagine Jesus would have easily forgiven him but the difference was Judas didn’t return to Jesus – he took matters into his own hands] and so we have to take some of that – stay in abusive friendships? i’m less inclined to encourage that, but difficult ones or ones where we do all the giving? sometimes… because maybe it’s the grace and love we show there that will bring the breakthrough…

    and so generally i would say no matter how the breakup happens you might get to a point of not actively pursuing the friendship any more but i think it is great if that person knows that if they ever choose to pursue friendship with you again that the door is wide open…
    brett fish anderson´s last blog post ..Mark, my words: John loses his head

    • i have no idea why it included the link to my last mark blog there sorry, unintentional…

    • Ashlee says:

      Hi Brett, thanks for your thoughts! I totally agree with you…..I think leaving the door open for a friend to return is really just an extension of grace, and one that should be offered, even when that’s difficult to do. Sometimes I struggle with friendships as a Christian, because I never know where to draw the line between endless forgiveness/grace and walking away from a friendship that is clearly unhealthy and/or bringing out the worst in me. Your last sentence sums it up nicely!

      • Dave says:

        I know this blog entry is old, but I stumbled across it and had to address something you wrote. You said, “Sometimes I struggle with friendships as a Christian, because I never know where to draw the line between endless forgiveness/grace and walking away from a friendship that is clearly unhealthy and/or bringing out the worst in me.” Our Lord said for us to forgive; He didn’t say we had to let ourselves be walked on. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t automatically mean you have to continue to have any kind of relationship with them.

  10. Mackenzie D says:

    This is just what I’ve been needing. I’m mourning a friendship that I felt was one of the good ones. I thought we would grow old together, and then I had a baby, and all of a sudden things changed. She’s shut me out, and in my greatest time of need, she isn’t there. She’s pregnant now, and I hope when her baby is born, that she understands how much life changes when you become a parent. I miss her deeply, it’s been very painful, but everyday I’m realizing that I did everything I could, and that makes me feel better. Thanks for these words today, they have helped heal me a little more.

    • Ashlee says:

      I’m sorry for your friendship loss, Mackenzie. I’ve been there, and it can be so painful and frustrating. At least you have a sweet baby to distract you, right? 😉

  11. Amy says:

    I’ve been on both sides. Neither is fun. I tend to be the sort of person who wants my friendships to work; however, I also am SO BUSY that sometimes, I just have to let friendships go, particularly ones that I feel like aren’t working. There are also a few deal-breakers: people who tell my secrets, people who repeat things that hurt my feelings (or the feelings of others), people who are consistently needy and don’t offer anything back. It can seem harsh, I know, but there are some things I just don’t tolerate in friendships. My life has changed a lot in the past few years, and that has meant some friendships have grown apart, which is sad, but I get it. That said, there are a handful of friendships that I would never give up on. I’ve had most of the same friends for at least 10 years (some, 24 and counting!) and I think I’m a really good friend. The older I get, I realize that quality is more important than quantity, so while I’m less eager to have a million friends, I am super invested in caring for the friendships that I do have.
    Amy´s last blog post ..The kindness of strangers…

    • Ashlee says:

      Your last sentence is key: quality over quantity. Here here, sister. And it’s true, we’re ALL busy and only have so much time to invest in friendships. Sometimes it’s hard to justify holding onto crappy friendships when you could take that same time and energy and invest it into someone else.

  12. Great post, Ashlee!

    I’ve definitely experienced a friendship breakup of sorts. One of my best friends since high school and I drifted apart after my wedding (which she was a bridesmaid in). I chalked it up to being something that just happens to friends over time, but eventually realized that I was the problem.

    I had totally taken this friend for granted and been selfish, so I wrote up a long email and asked her for forgiveness as well as if she’d be willing to give our friendship another shot. Fortunately, she was super forgiving and we’re back to being great friends! (full story here:

    Some friendships are definitely worth fighting for!
    Natalie Lynn Borton´s last blog post ..5 Ways To Get Loose Waves

    • Ashlee says:

      It takes a very mature and wise person to admit they were the problem. So, kudos to you Nat 😉 I’m glad you were able to work it out. It seems, based on the comments and my own experience, that the post-wedding season is a big time for friendship breakups. Maybe we’re all too high on pinterest boards and diy wedding favors or something….we all get a little crazy 😉 Thanks for your thoughts!

  13. Alissa says:

    Thank you, thank you! I’m more baffled by the ending of a close friendship than any break-up I’ve ever had. I wrote about it here a few months back, if you’d like to see:

  14. Claire says:

    I lay awake at night thinking about this. My one friendship breakup, I initiated and was heartbreaking. Like, for years heartbreaking. I still ache over it sometimes, but the fact of the matter is that I do view friendships like marriage and it wasn’t working for us because were unequally yoked. What mattered deeply to me didn’t to her and vice-versa. She rejected the faith that I held dear and I wasn’t in a position to be the one to help her find it again (if that was even possible). When I was around her she brought out the worst in me (not necessarily her fault, it was just how it was). I just didn’t like the version of me that needed to exist in order to be her friend. It wasn’t Christ honoring and certainly wasn’t honoring what it means to be a friend. So, when I realized we had grown apart, I just let it stay that way. It still hurts, though, but I know it was the right thing.
    Claire´s last blog post ..I ♥ Sacramento {Sky Drifters Ballooning}

    • Ashlee says:

      Oh, this is a tough one, and I can relate. I think you did the right thing, but even knowing that doesn’t make it easy, right? I fell into a good group of girls here in Sacramento, and joining a bible study with them was one of the best decisions I ever made. For the first time in my life, I feel equally yoked with my inner circle of friends, and maybe that’s because diving into the Word and praying together is something we do regularly, and it’s more than just all of us wearing the label of “Christian”.

      Good thoughts. You made me think today. 😉

  15. Awesome post. I have been on the side of an “e-mail full of accusations” from a friend who I was so close with. We went to church together. spent many nights praying for one another. our husbands were friends as well and this e-mail flurry that happened one fateful day about 3 years ago tore me up. Apparently I was overbearing…and too much work as a friend.The friendship all but ended that day and it sucked. big time. I found myself completely changing how I approach friendships. I wasn’t as bubbly and inviting…i became gun shy afraid to push someone away with my enthusiasm. But, I have since realized how important lasting friendships are. Isolation is so easy to fall into in this digital world and friendships that are thick are necessary for a full life. God designed us for community. A lot of healing has taken place since that friendship was broken and my life is now full of friends who I can be completely and totally real with and not afraid they will go running for the hills. Thanks for sharing your story. Makes me not feel as bad about what happend years ago knowing others experience the same thing. Life is for sharing.
    Katherine Michael´s last blog post ..Our Provider

    • Ashlee says:

      You are most definitely not alone Katherine. I’m glad you have found a healthy circle of friends who love you the way you are. Not everyone has that, and I’m happy you do!

  16. cori says:

    this post initially made me feel sad, just because i kind of thought about my past friendships, and i realized that i never let myself get too close to other girls. i didn’t have to let go or be let go, because i wasn’t holding on. there are two girls i met in high school that i am still friends with, so i am grateful for that. yet, i do still see that pattern of keeping a distance in my friendships with other girls even now, after recently graduating college.
    luckily, i have a new-ish friend who is like my spiritual sister. we’re moving to a new city together and i’m so excited because i know we’ll fight for each other and our friendship. it’s awkward being honest and telling her how happy i am to know her, because i’m just not used to it, much less having the sentiment reciprocated, haha. so this post also made me feel really grateful, because i know it’s never too late to make those friendships that turn into a sort of sisterhood, through thick or thin.

  17. Erika says:

    I grew up always having very good friends that I had known for YEARS. Those friendships continued into our twenties, and then life changed. People got married. People had kids. And a lot of those friendships fell by the wayside. I find myself wishing all the time, that I had good “mommy friends” to commiserate with, to have playdates with, and to get advice from. The hardest part is FINDING them! Glad to know, I’m not the only one that deals with this! 🙂

  18. Michelle says:

    Ashlee, I love posts on friendships and thinking through what is and is not required of us as friends. I think sometimes friendships get complicated because people are complicated. And I like your question– what if we treated friendship more like marriage– when you have an argument or a conflict, you don’t walk away or just shrug it off, but rather…you stay and work on it.

    I like this quote from Henri Nouwen– I think these kind of friendships take so much work…but are so worth it:

    “Friendship is one of the greatest gifts a human being can receive. It is a bond beyond common goals, common interests, or common histories. It is a bond stronger than sexual union can create, deeper than a shared fate can solidify, and even more intimate than the bonds of marriage or community. Friendship is being with the other in joy and sorrow, even when we cannot increase the joy or decrease the sorrow.” -Henri Nouwen
    Michelle´s last blog post ..Dear Mija: A Letter to My Future Bilingual & Bicultural Daughter

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  20. Jay says:

    I think we’re led to believe that friendships (acquiring & keeping) gets easier as we get older but I believe it’s the opposite. Not only are we balancing them with our marriage & family but we’re also more selective about which relationships we’re willing to nurture.
    Living overseas has meant that I have to keep finding new friendships every couple of years all while hoping to maintain those that I leave behind – it’s much harder than I thought it would be but I’m trying to make more of a commitment to those friendships I value.
    Jay´s last blog post ..A Friend Come & Gone

  21. Andrea says:

    This really spoke to me. Right now I am about to graduate college in month and start a career a month later, 2,600 miles away. My best friend since the 1st grade and I have been fighting lately. I have put so much effort into friendship the last couple years I am wondering if its worth it or not. We have been through so much together that its hard to let go of the friendship. I feel like this last fight is final string. I have no energy to fight for it anymore. Thanks for sharing this!

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  23. Carol says:

    Ashlee, such a great post. Very insightful. If you could please write a book on this topic, I would buy it!!

  24. Katherine says:

    Hi Ashlee
    This is a great blog. Really helped me to think of a friend who decided to cut me off. It was during wedding time. I had only known her for a year or so. She wanted me as her maid of honor. Because of some confusion and a bad phone call she took me out of the wedding. She will not speak to me. Her husband and mine were good friends but now they can’t hang out. It saddens me. I try to lead a good Christian life. I’ve contemplating reaching out to her again as it has been a while, but I know she is pregnant now and I do not want to spoil her joy. I just wish her the best. I know it is God’s hands and for me the door is open but I have no idea how she feels or if it should even be rekindled. We really didn’t have much in common…
    Thanks again for your words and all of the comments from others too.
    God Bless.

  25. Jasmine says:

    I just recently read your blog post and it is very insightful as to what I am going through right now. Im in my early twenties and having a worst fight with one of my closest friend. Ive known her for 7 years. Anyways, both of our personalities are passive-aggresive so we both ended up in a cold war. And being in a cold war is MUCH HARDER than physical fights or telling it straight to them. This is the first fight I have ever had. EVER. So, this really took a lot of toll on me. I cried a few nights since I dont know how to vent out my anger. Like I said, im very passive. Its been a month now. It still hurt on my part. And she couldnt care less. I know cause she wont find time to even tell me anything. We see each other everyday because w3 go to the same workplace. And she just cast sideway glances at me. I just dont know what to do. I unfriended and unfollowed her on all types of social media. I hope I could hear great advice from you. Thank you.

  26. chanice says:

    Im experiencing a friendship breakup just now and deep down i know its not what she wants nor do i, we were fine till i said about maybe coming don like next month to meet her and she felt bad for saying dnt come next month like, im trying to reason with her she thinks shes unworthy of my w
    friendship now because of it but shes more than worthy im trying to talk to her tried calling her and she not accepting the call or msging me back, im not just gonna give up on her shes the best thts ever happened to me love my best friend to pieces i do, any suggestions what i can do

  27. Shane says:

    Sorry in advance if this gets long-winded. I’ve had a catastrophic falling-out with a close and trusted friend of mine who I’ve known for 11 years. We first met at a job we both worked at, worked together for 7-8 years, despite the age (she’s 47, I’m 30) we naturally got along, always seemed to have each other’s back and made a great work team. We both ultimately quit the job and found work at different places, despite that we still kept in touch through email, Facebook, brief stop-by visits at work at our respective jobs and occasionally grabbed a coffee to catch up for like the last 3 years.

    Back in November ’14 the job (was a real abusive experience) I was working and commuting to had a transfer offer with career advancement back in the town my friend and I were living in, I took it and unfortunately it turned out to be the start or real dark period in my life where everything was like everything was falling apart faster then I could put back together, I never experienced anything like this ever. The transfer was for lack of a better word a living nightmare, my new manager and new boss were just appalling, my mother had another stroke, someone I was seeing I found out had been cheating on me, the college in town cancelled this class at the last minute I registered for months in advance etc.
    I was struggling to deal with this on my own and after a meltdown I guess this other friend of mine panicked and phoned a mutual friend to phone and see how I was. It mortified me and later found out a bunch of rumors was getting spread around. I saw fit to type of and email to all my friends, including my closest in order to quell and clarify what was going on, I guess I poured my guts out and ended off my saying to everyone to not take it personally I’ll explain everything down the road but I need a lot of space and to drop off the radar. Oddly enough I recall saying something bizarre that I’m dealing with a lot and it probably won’t be till spring until I can get a hold of things. Turns out I was right about the whole “spring” thing…. I quit the job at the end of February ’15 and was unemployed for the month of March and used it to recoup and felt so much better, also I went off to do damage control finally talking to all my friends what I was going through, they all understood.

    As for my close friend, she never returned my messages which gave me a sinking feeling, so one day I stupidly went to her job near the end of her shift to ask in person if we’re okay, still friends and if we could talk sometime. She was furious and viciously tore me apart, cut right to my core, saying she “doesn’t need people like me in her life” etc and never once gave me a chance to say a word. All I know is she said she was going through her share of problems, I never knew, I recalled couple years back she touched upon some matters but never went into detail.

    I’ve been at a lost since, wrote and mailed a letter couple weeks later apologizing, heard nothing. Making matters confusing, even if it doesn’t mean anything, she still keeps on Facebook. Overall I have given her space, only carefully dropping an email by only occasionally showing that I still consider her a friend, want to talk things out and clear any misunderstandings so whatever happens there’s no bad blood between us and that I was sorry to hear she was going through her own problems and that I can be shoulder and lend an ear when she’s ready. Still nothing, no response. I’ve been debating about talking to a mutual friend of ours but I don’t want to drag anyone in because I think it may give the impression of picking sides and isolate her, making a delicate matter worse. Just a couple days ago I did send what I think will be my final message, just a friendly invite to talk for the near-future and that I would like her to message me what her thoughts are. Haven’t heard anything… guessing that’s maybe an answer in it’s own right. It just feels so one-sided, like I am making all the effort, worse this keeping me on Facebook I’m finding deceitful and disrespectful, it’s actually making me question the 11-year friendship and getting frustrated, and I don’t want to find myself resenting her because of what I was going through at the time. Like I said I just want to mend things, if the friendship continues awesome, if not then let us part ways mutually with no ill-feelings.

  28. vel vernita says:

    true story there… its so sad to see one’s friendship falling into pieces especially with the best friend you have.

    you afraid to lose her but you her slipping away slow by slow… its painful I really don’t wanna loose my friend once more… al be crushed

  29. Lisa says:

    I had a best friend for over 12 years we were so close talked everyday and hung out almost every weekend. We have had fights on and off the past two years but nothing we couldn’t get pass then a few weeks ago one of my ex best friends sent a nasty message to my best friend calling her horrible names and made it look like I was talking bad about her when I never said anything. My best friend cussed me out and told me she is done with me and cutting her ties and I can consider myself dead to her and then she blocked me from everything so I can’t even try to fix things and explain I didn’t do anything. I cry everyday cause I miss my best friend.

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