a house full of baby.

everett | where my heart resides-3Lord, help me remember these long and tiring days. Help me remember the lost socks and puffs stuck to couch cushions and wooden blocks on the bathroom floor. Help me remember what it’s like to have a house full of baby. 

……………………………

This sweet baby, this flesh of my flesh, this tiny piece of me, is everywhere.

And someday he won’t be. Someday he’ll be somewhere else, leaving a mess in a different house. I know this. I accept this. I am grateful for this. I am not raising a bird to stay in my nest forever; I am raising him to fly.

We are in the midst of a fleeting season where the days are long but the years are short, and because of this, I write it down as best I can and capture snippets in photographs, so that when my memory fades and my mind no longer works as well as it does today, I can revisit this season, this feeling, this house full of baby.

Today, I am writing down a few things I do not ever want to forget.

I don’t ever want to forget the sunny day we brought Everett home from the hospital. I wore my favorite black sweatpants with a cotton t-shirt, both soft to the touch, protecting my half-empty belly and fresh c-section scar. We drove calmly and carefully, never straying from the slow lane or speeding through yellow lights. We carried him through the front door and took him on an official house tour, even though he slept the entire time.

This is your home, baby. This is our home.

I don’t want to forget the first time we laid his teeny swaddled body in the bassinet, the beautiful piece of furniture that had sat empty in our bedroom for months. I don’t want to forget the skin-to-skin or the sleepy sighs or how I used to say, “you’re my baby!” over and over again.

I don’t want to forget our early mornings together, snuggled close, my heart beating perfectly in sync with his breaths. I don’t want to forget the way he babbles in the car from the back seat, totally confident in his statements, even though they make no sense to me.  I don’t want to forget his obsession with stairs or the way he giggles when I say, “give momma a kiss!” and plant one on his baby lips.

I don’t want to forget the toys and puffs strewn about the floor, a sweet little trail to mark where Everett has been and what he has seen, the trail that makes my house feel more like a home than any pinterest project or fresh flower arrangement.

I don’t want to forget the way he smiles at me with a twinkle in his eye, or the way he looks at me when he’s standing against the coffee table, beaming with pride. I don’t want to forget our mornings at the kitchen table, me spoon feeding him banana puree while he wiggles his arms in the air with excitement. I don’t want to forget the poem I recite to him every night before he goes to sleep:

“Goodnight moon, goodnight room. Goodnight chair, goodnight bear. Goodnight noises everywhere. Goodnight baby. Goodnight momma. See you in the morning bright.”

I don’t want to forget 10:00pm, our nightly routine of quietly sneaking into his bedroom and replacing the blue blanket that has been twisted and cast aside in a fit of baby dreams.

I don’t want to forget today, this moment, as I write from bed while he naps, video monitor beside me on the nightstand capturing the stillness of his room. I don’t want to forget this feeling, this blessedness, this peaceful contentment and wholeness, the sight of the Johnny Jump-up in the doorway.

Lord, help me remember these long and tiring days.

Help me remember what it’s like to have a house full of baby.

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10 Responses to a house full of baby.

  1. yep. this is perfect. “I am not raising a bird to stay in my nest forever; I am raising him to fly.” <— made me teary.
    Lindsay @ Little One Love´s last blog post ..THE 52 PROJECT, A FEW WEEKS LATE

  2. Christina says:

    I love this!! This is great inspiration for me to do the same, because as the days pass sometimes its hard to remember what happened yesterday, let alone months ago. He is such a happy little guy, and you are a wonderful mama. Often voicing so many things I feel and always reminding me how wonderful it is to have mama friends like you around me!

    Lets do another play date soon! We would love to have you two over maybe for lunch and the park? We have a park really close by and nicer weather (I hope) is on the way! :)

  3. Natalie says:

    Beautiful Ashlee. Exactly how I picture it will feel when I have a house full of baby.

  4. Diana says:

    You will not forget when you step on a Lego barefoot.

    On a serious note, this is beautifully written. Never have I looked forward to such a mess in my home (seriously!)

  5. Melissa N. says:

    Oh Ashlee, this is absolutely perfect. This seriously makes me so excited to have my own house full of baby someday. Everett is so lucky to have such an amazing mommy.
    Melissa N.´s last blog post ..a dual sweet sixteen birthday | sonoma county

  6. Kaylan says:

    beautiful post, Ashlee and an important reminder.
    Kaylan´s last blog post ..nine months

  7. Paulette Hawes says:

    Dearest Ash –

    This is so beautifully written. The days and years pass all too quickly and your nest will be empty before you know it. I still remember how I felt when you flew the nest and to be honest was one of the most emotional times in my life. Enjoy all these precious moments with Everett!!

    I love you, Mom

  8. Sarabell says:

    Oh goodness, my heart is just aching for the moments-to-come!
    Sarabell´s last blog post ..Antelope Island, Utah

  9. Katie says:

    This is beautiful, Ashlee. I cried. haha
    Katie´s last blog post ..Throwback Thursday

  10. Anne says:

    this is so beautiful! i can’t wait to make these type of memories with my little guy
    Anne´s last blog post ..32 Weeks

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