Sigh.
I don’t even know how to start this post with anything other than a sigh.
Sigh (again).
So, Everett is 11 weeks old this week. Here are my thoughts on the matter, in this order: 1) HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! 2) My baby is getting so big! 3) When oh WHEN will he sleep through the night so I can function as a human being again?!
I picked up a copy of Becoming Baby Wise at Goodwill last week. Before I get flooded with comments from attachment parents (and, more power to you!), let me be clear: I plan to use Baby Wise as a flexible guideline for creating a schedule for Everett. I have no intentions of following the book to a T (or starving my child or letting him cry until he’s blue in the face or any of the other common negative perceptions of Baby Wise).
For the past eleven weeks we’ve been feeding on demand and sleeping on demand. That is, every time Everett is hungry, I feed him, and every time he is tired, I put him down for a nap. For the first six weeks or so, this worked perfectly for us. I was pretty in tune with his hunger and sleep cues, and he went down for naps easily.
But now? At the risk of sounding dramatic, every day is a battle field, and I find myself just trying to survive.
I think I had this idea in my head that because I’m home with Everett (all day every day, and sometimes those are looooong days), I should be following his cues instead of forcing him on a schedule, because really….why would I not? I eat when I’m hungry and sleep when I’m tired so why shouldn’t Everett be given the same luxury while we’re both at home figuring out life together?
Well, I’ll tell you why. Because Mister Everett recently decided that he hates napping. And, contrary to popular belief and intuition, the better babies sleep during the day, the better they sleep at night. Can I get an amen, moms?!
Everett went from a good napper to a bad napper in a matter of days, and after a few rough nights, I was over his protesting. It was time to regulate (with love of course). We’ve been doing the eat/play/sleep cycle for a few weeks and decided to finally start implementing some of the other Baby Wise recommendations. We are only two days in at this point so I feel unable to make an assessment, but I will say that day one was torture and day two has been wonderful. I’m sure I’ll have a better idea of whether or not it’s working at the end of this week.
I’ve been stalking this blog religiously, but I’m curious to know from all you mommas out there—did you try Baby Wise? Or portions of Baby Wise? Any other sleep training books I should know about? We are pretty open at this point to new ideas and recommendations. Like my pal Kelsey recently stated, raising a baby is like a science experiment. We are experimenting a lot these days.
Wish us luck! 
Yikes, I’m so nervous for this part someday! Good luck to you Ashlee! Someday soon you’ll look back on this part and laugh! Until then, there’s always frozen yogurt. =]
Sarabell´s last [type] ..His & Hers
11 weeks! time flies!
I am not a mama yet, but I have had my fair share of little babies to watch after. My advice is that as babies grow, their needs change, as do their schedules. You’re in a time of complete fluctuation, but everyone goes through it, so don’t drive yourself crazy! You’re right – the better they sleep during the day, the better they’ll sleep at night. Lots of coffee will surely help you. Hang in there, you’re doing great!
sophie´s last [type] ..Family Time
We did the eat/play/sleep routine- it worked great during the day but Topher didn’t understand that we were cutting the “play” part out at nighttime for a few months. Our solution was a fancy schmancy mobile with a remote control. It had lights, music, motion – if it turned off and he was still in play mode we could just hit the button on the remote control and it would start again. And again and again … Eventually he’d fall back asleep and so would we
Good luck!
That’s funny you say that because although we’re only a couple days in….I feel like we’re having the same problem! He only cries for a few minutes when he goes down for naps but screams for 30+ minutes before “bedtime”. We just borrowed a swing from our friend and I think after his last feeding we’ll try putting him in the swing for his “awake” time which will hoooooopefully keep him happy and calm while he gets more tired before we put him down for good. At the very least it will allow us to eat dinner in peace! I like your mobile idea though….will definitely keep that in mind!
I find the Baby Wise Mom blog so helpful, too! I’m curious to hear what other Baby Wise recommendations you implemented. Around 9 weeks I needed a schedule for my own sake…so there would be some predictability for myself. I basically just monitored what Roo was doing on her own and then made a “schedule” based on that. More or less, I just wrote it down so we all were on the same page.
I’ve found, though, that by making the schedule, I would get stressed out if she didn’t follow it. If she didn’t act hungry when I thought she should. So I’ve tried to stick to time ranges rather than hard times. Like, she should eat sometime between 2-3 p.m. rather than 2:30 p.m. Giving or taking a half hour on either side doesn’t affect her bedtime terribly, so I’m OK with it.
Right now Rooney must be in a growth spurt because she is sleeping a TON during the day (as I mentioned on Twitter over the weekend). I’m still getting used to the fact that it will change every month or so as she grows, and we’ll have to find a new routine that works for everyone.
kelsey´s last [type] ..Advice for Engaged Couples
So in the (now) three days we’ve been doing this, we have: 1) switched from 2 hours between feedings to 2.5-3 hours between feedings, 2) kept him awake for 60 minutes before the next nap, and 3) tried CIO (eek!). In our first day of logging, I noticed he was eating every 2 hours, which definitely needed to change, especially if I want him to sleep in longer stretches at night! I like your idea of time stretches….we are also giving ourselves some flexibility. I give him a 30 minute buffer before or after the next feeding, which then usually affects his naps as well. As much as I’d love for him to get on a 7-10-1-4 schedule, I know it’s not going to be exact every day and that’s okay!
I find it very interesting how the Baby Wise blog mom (um, I should probably learn her name), adjusts everything so slightly to keep the schedule running smoothly. It’s inspiring and also intimidating to see how in tune she is with her kids. And you’re right….the older they get, the more awake time they need, which throws the whole schedule out of whack and you have to figure it out all over again! Hopefully it’s easier to figure out the second, third, fourth time around
11 weeks have flown by!!
When my nephew, Luke, was born I basically moved in with my sister to help her. He was a terrible sleeper and also had colic that would make him cry all night, every night. We used The Happiest Baby on the Block as a guideline to help him get on a schedule and sleep. It really helped! We were able to get him on a sleep/eat routine and he started sleeping more regular stretches of time. My sister has always been really good about schedules. Even now when her kids are 4 and 7 years old, they know when bedtime, nap times, snacks, etc times are. Scheduling helps with everything and most babies seem to thrive on them.
Good luck!!
I do agree that schedules help with everything! I skimmed Happiest Baby and watched the DVD but I don’t remember there being a lot of info about scheduling in that book? Maybe I need to read it again. Thanks for the tip!
I liked healthy sleep habits healthy habits, healthy child.
Laura´s last [type] ..A love letter to Sacramento
Thanks for the tip! I’ll look for that book next time I’m out thrifting.
I’m not a mother yet, but many of my friends are. Lately, they have been gushing about this fisher price seahorse that has a soft warm glow. The child is able to cuddle the seahorse to help comfort them back to sleep. I swear, like 5 people have referred to this as the “magic seahorse.”
http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Ocean-Wonders-Soothe-Seahorse/dp/B000W3XEQM
Michelle´s last [type] ..Dinner Last Night
Whoa, never heard of it! Thanks for the tip….I’ll see if I can find it next time I’m at the baby store
So of course we also talked about this in person during our Sister Wives marathon that wasn’t really a marathon at all.
I think Babywise, and the Babywise blog, has been really key in helping Anna sleep well from a somewhat early age although I will be the very first to say that nap scheduling is super difficult. I really hope that our next kids are easier when it comes to napping based on what we figured out with her…but I just want you to know that you’re not alone in naps being a frustrating process for awhile. I do think that the eat/play/sleep routine is what will help him sleep through the night, and I bet it happens sooner than you think. And, like you said, Babywise is not pro starvation or pro cry it out. I always felt like Anna had plenty to eat (look at her thighs!) and while we did eventually use some CIO methods, we waited until she was old enough to know that her crying was less about food and more about being tired. You are doing great!
Lesley´s last [type] ..Why we bought life insurance, and you should too
My biggest challenge so far has been naps because he usually wakes up early, and then I don’t know what to do with him before the next feeding, which can’t/shouldn’t happen before the 2.5 hour mark. So then I wonder if I should increase his awake time, but I really think we’re doing well with the 60 minute frame and I don’t want him to get overtired because then he’ll scream for 30 minutes instead of 5. BAH.
The CIO is going better than I thought. First day was pure torture, but we’re now on day three and he cries between 4-7 minutes before each nap. That, I can handle. Especially when he sleeps for 1-1.5 hours. Bedtime is still a work in progress
The first time he sleeps through the night I vote we get celebratory drinks. On me.
Awww, 11 weeks already! Every baby is so different, it can be tough to figure out how to adjust to all the different phases and stages they go through. All 4 of mine were so VERY different and they all had their own challenges at different points. You’re such a wonderful momma already, I know you’ll get this figured out!
It seems like ages already since mine were babies, but a few things I remember that worked well were those bouncy, vibrating seats and then oddly enough my oldest absolutely loved napping in her carseat with the shade up and sometimes I’d even put a thin blanket over one side to cover it a bit more. Even as she got older I would find that she had crawled into it by herself and fallen asleep. My youngest and only son was such a momma’s boy and pretty much only slept on my chest for the first few months, so I sometimes found that sleeping propped up on the couch was the best position for us both. Lack of sleep was probably the hardest part with each of my kids, so I know it can be frustrating, but trust that you and Everett will figure this out together. And just when you do he’ll move on to some new challenge for you
BTW, I love reading your posts even more lately – it makes me think back and realize how much my children have taught me and how they have helped me become a better person through it all. So thank you for the reminder
That is so funny about the carseat! We did that one time successfully on the 4th of July at a friend’s house, but I only think it worked because it was so late at night. Normally he hates the carseat.
You can count on me to remind you about all things baby-related, good and bad. Between my facebook statuses, tweets, and blog posts, I am slowly becoming a total cliche mommy blogger .
Hey Ash –
A couple of things we did with you was set a night time routine. Bath at the same time every night, then read a book (even though you really did not look at the book I wanted you to listen to my voice), then I fed you, then to bed. All these things are calming, soothing things to baby and I think infants do pick up the routine and realize it is bed time. I can’t remember when you and Garrett gave up the 1:00 a.m. feeding but it was around 3 months. So hang in there!! You really are doing great.
Love you, Mom
Brett and I were just saying last night that we need to perfect our bedtime routine. I think Brett offered to rap a lullaby, but I’ll double check.
Hang in there, Ashlee! I’m not a mother, but I say trust your instincts and do what you feel is best!
Caroline´s last [type] ..NYC neighborhood: tribeca
Always!
You know your baby better than anyone else, and you know what you can schedule and what you need to be flexible on. We did more of Baby Whisperer, which I honestly think is a lot like BabyWise, but doesn’t really address the cry it out deal- more of emphasizes the Eat, Awake, Sleep routine. I really pushed for 3 hours between feedings a few weeks ago- E has a need to suck and would only eat for like 3 minutes sometimes, so feeding on demand was something I gave up on fairly quickly. She often has additional awake time before her next feeding though- we just play/distract her with her paci until it’s time for her to eat again. She gave up her 1-2am feeding around 6 or 7 weeks, and then started sleeping until 5 or 6am around 8 weeks, but is definitely not consistent on this one yet. I’m not sure how much of that is really the schedule and how much of it is just it’s where she landed with things, but we do make sure to keep to a routine at bedtime- try for a feeding around 7, 7:30, and between then and 10pm we do bath, and books, pray, and she naps off and on, then 10pm she gets her last feed of the day, gets swaddled and she’s really good about going right to sleep at this time. That 10pm feed is pretty much sacred in our house (we adjust her other feeds of the day depending on when she wakes for the day, knowing that 10pm feed is our last goal), and she responds really well to it.
I would also mention that umm, we turned her monitor down SUPER low once she slept through the night a couple of times. We took it as a sign that she was able to do it, and that way her few little grunts or whimpers wouldn’t wake us, so she might be self soothing more than I even know. Her room is right across the hall though, so when she REALLY cries we still hear her.
OK, that was a total novel:)
SushiMama´s last [type] ..Lately…
Update: On night 3 Everett slept from 10-3 and skipped his 1:00am feeding! It was a miracle. Our last feeding of the night is 7:00pm and we do our bedtime routine right after that….I still do a dream feed at 10:00 but Brett usually doesn’t get home until around 6:00 so if we let Everett stay up until 10:00, we wouldn’t get any alone time. Also, the past two nights he has gone down at 7:30 without ANY crying! He just babbles to himself and falls asleep in 10 minutes or so.
I love your approach to the monitor. Everett still sleeps in our room but I am going to remember that tip when we move him to his crib overnight
I have two kids that I used the Baby wise system with. I am such a type A personality, that at about 6 weeks, we started implementing it. I know everyone is different and has their own opinion about it, but Baby wise was SO helpful for us. Putting my nursing body and my baby on a schedule was the best thing I ever did. My first child was a horrible sleeper, while my second slept like a rock. In that case, I think you also have to take each baby’s temperament into account, but overall I loved it! I will say that as they got older (6 months), having them on a feeding schedule was SUPER helpful too! I will admit that I was that mom that would feed by the clock, but because I was nursing, I felt like that worked best for me and my baby. Otherwise, I would have milk leaking from my boobs at all hours of the day! I bet that you’ll see a huge difference in his sleep patterns once he is on a more consistent sleep schedule. Also, keep in mind, my daughter didn’t sleep through the night until 10 months!! Uggghhh! Hang in there, it does get way easier! You and Everett will find your rhythm. Enjoy them now because it truly goes by so fast! My babies are 6 and 8 now. :’(
susan najera´s last [type] ..christmas time is here!!
I’ve only been doing Baby Wise for a couple days, but our daily routines have improved SO much, I really wish I would have started around 6 weeks. From birth-6 weeks I was really happy feeding on demand, but it was around that time that things started getting more difficult, ie not being able to figure out what he wanted/needed when he cried. Thanks for the encouragement!
Oh, wow! I’m in tears. . . beautiful birth story.
I think our sons are just a few days apart. *grin*
TulipGirl´s last [type] ..When GKGW Works: Parental Time and Effort
Errrr… Just read your birth story, but posted here. . . whoops! Sorry!
TulipGirl´s last [type] ..When GKGW Works: Parental Time and Effort
i have all this to look forward to so am taking in all this advice as i am sure i will need it.
i bet you are doing an amazing job
Lottie´s last [type] ..sunday.
Thanks Lottie! I am by no means an expert on any of this, but happy to share my own experiences.
I do not have kids yet. But I did babysit my sister’s 10 month old baby girl this past Sunday for more than 12 hours. I. WAS. DYING. I don’t know how you mom’s do it. I don’t know how I will do when my time comes. And I want 3 kids?!?! I am reconsidering. Significant reconsideration going on in my corner. Holy gees. It was tough. Baby girl wants to go go go. But she can’t go go go on her own. I was bent over holding her tiny hands for hours upon hours. I literally watched the clock tick until it was nap time. And the poopy diapers. Three of them! All blow outs! I love my niece more than anything. And I will continue to watch her everytime needed. But that was my first full day with the baby. And it was tough. God bless all the moms out there. I will never criticize a snotty nose, dirty clothes – or even food and snot on the face – ever again.
This made me laugh. It’s a hard job, but someone’s got to do it!
Not a mom quite yet… well, I guess I’m a partial mom… with no experience.
Anyway, I am super interested in early sleep training. I got a very brief foundation/philosophy through Bringing Up Bébé (however, it’s not a how-to book; it’s more of an observation on French parenting), and I also started reading The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep. It’s newer than the regular Happiest Baby book and only discusses sleep. I really like it so far, but, obviously, I haven’t had the chance to try it out yet. I’m really interested to hear your opinion on Baby Wise once you feel ready to assess it!
I will definitely be posting a detailed assessment, probably after 14 days! I loved Bringing Up Bebe, not really as a how-to book (like you said), but I found it really interesting! I didn’t know there was a new Happiest Baby sleep book….I might look into that!
it’s going by so fast! i *totally* hear you about the long days. ugh.
we didn’t start with a new born, however we did start completely jet lagged and mobile.
one pattern that keeps coming up for us is that sleepy window is waaaaaaaaaaaay sooner than we think it is (obviously for older baby). for instance, just tonight we put her in bed at 7 and she was asleep in 5 minutes. the other night 7:30 and she’s climbing the walls for 30 minutes. i tried to move her nap from 11 to 12 or 1 and she was crawling all over the place acting crazy. get her in bed at 11 and she’s out in 10 minutes.
over tired = no bueno.
good luck, sleepy mama.
TOTALLY. My friend Lesley gave me the exact same advice. We are starting with a 60 minute “awake time” window, and will adjust over time as he gets older. It seems to be the right amount of time for him at this point.
First of all I totally understand what you are going through – we have also been there!
For the first few months our daughter was a good sleeper – sleeping and nursing on demand. At 12 weeks it suddenly went out of control, some nights I was up nursing every 30 minutes – during the day she only sleeped whene I carried her in the sling. At that time I was also convinced that we HAD to chance something – but I could never let my daughter cry.
Help was on the way: A friend (whose child is a few weeks older) recommended the book “The Wonder Weeks. How to stimulate your baby’s mental development and help him turn his 8 predictable, great, fussy phases into magical leaps forward” by Hetty van de Rijt and Frank Plooij.
In Germany this book is really popular among young parents. The book is based on the discovery that all babies appear to be more tearful, troublesome, demanding and clingy at very nearly the same ages. It helps you to understand whats going on and it helped us to be more patient.
You can look at the preview via amazon – on page 12 you can find the overview with all fussy periods, week 12 is a “stormy” period!
Hope this will help you!
Saskia
Thanks for the tip! I’ll definitely check that book out
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