september 16th.

It was a Friday afternoon and I had come home from work early because I didn’t feel well. At that point, I was slightly suspicious but had spent the majority of the day convincing myself that I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. After all, we had just started trying. These things take time, right? My period was super irregular so I had no idea if I was even late or not.

Nope, definitely not pregnant. Just sick. Maybe the stomach flu. Gross.

Brett called to check on me around 3:00pm.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sick. I feel really nauseous.”

“…..do you think you could be…..?”

“No. Well, maybe? No. Definitely not.”

“Should you take a test?”

“Not by myself!!!”

“Okay, I’ll be home soon.”

We hung up, and I attempted to take a nap on the couch. My mind was wandering. I had no idea what to think or what to feel. Would I be happy if I was pregnant? Would I be disappointed if I wasn’t? WAS I READY FOR THIS? Brett came home a little after 5:00pm, interrupting my inner dialogue.

“Let’s take the test!!”

“Now??”

“Yes! What are we waiting for?”

“I don’t know. Let’s fold the towels first.”

To this day, I have no idea why I needed to fold the towels first. Perhaps to relish a few more minutes of feeling in control of my life. There was a mountain of clean towels sitting on the bed, and I needed to fold each and every one of them before I could take the pregnancy test. Brett knew better than to argue. For the next few minutes, we stood on opposite sides of the bed, folding towels in silence, processing.

“How do you feel?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let’s take the test.”

“Let’s finish the towels first.”

“Okay.”

I finished folding the last towel, and carefully placed it on top of my neat stack. Brett looked at me and smiled reassuringly. He didn’t say anything, but I knew from his eyes that everything was going to be okay. Positive or negative, everything was going to be okay.

We walked into the bathroom and I grabbed the pregnancy test from the bottom drawer, where it sat awkwardly next to a bottle of Tums and some extra contact lenses. It had only been sitting in there a week or two, and still looked out of place, like it didn’t belong. I had never taken a pregnancy test before.

I opened the box and Brett read the instructions out loud. Pee and wait. Two lines mean you’re pregnant; one line means you’re not. Didn’t sound too hard. I closed the door and took a deep breath. God, I trust that you know what you’re doing, either way.

Exactly eight seconds later, I knew I was going to be a mother.

I ran out of the bathroom, pulling my pants up with one hand and waving the test with the other—smiling, and completely stunned. I held up the stick with tears in my eyes, “What does that say?!”

Brett looked at me, and then looked at the two lines on the stick. “NO. WAY.”

His smile matched mine.

“I can’t believe it!”

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight, lifting me off the floor as we both said “I love you!” about a dozen times. I might have cried just a tiny bit.

We were both in shock for the next hour. I didn’t even know where to start. What to say. What to think. What to do. We went for a walk and started talking about things that we had never really discussed before. How would we tell our parents? How long should we wait to tell them? When should we go to the doctor? It was totally surreal, but surprisingly natural at the same time.

We prayed together that night. It was one of those sweet and excited prayers where you can’t even find the words to thank God because He’s just SO dang good.

That might have been the first night I ever fell asleep smiling. I was going to be a mother.

I was going to be a MOTHER!

Just like that, my life changed forever.

And I knew I would never look back.

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22 Responses to september 16th.

  1. Meaghan says:

    This is beautiful! We’re in that trying stage now and just reading about your excitement & anticipation & need to fold the towels :) was just what I needed today. Thank you!
    Meaghan´s last blog post ..#photoadayapril Week 1

  2. Laura Doyle says:

    Such a sweet post! Isn’t it amazing how you can remember all the details of the moments that change your life? I need to look and see if I ever wrote down the moments surrounding when I found out I was pregnant….
    Laura Doyle´s last blog post ..Ellie in the Kitchen

  3. camilla says:

    this just put the biggest smile on my face! i LOVE that you had to fold the towels first. omg.

  4. Allie says:

    How absolutely exciting! I can’t wait to see pictures of the little baby boy so very soon! You will be a great mother!
    Allie´s last blog post ..Something you should know about me…

  5. Kate says:

    This is precious! I’m so excited for you! Can’t wait to meet Baby Boy at the Farmers Market this summer! ;)

  6. thats so beautiful and Yes remembering to do the towels is a simple thing because your life was changed.
    Julie@my5monkeys´s last blog post ..Mr. Darcy Forever Book Review

  7. Sarabell says:

    This is so beautiful. You have such a way with words!
    Sarabell´s last blog post ..A Weekend to Remember

  8. Lindsey says:

    This just made me tear up! I can’t wait to have that moment with Justin. And I’m pretty sure I’ll also be a “let’s fold the towels first” kind of girl :)
    Lindsey´s last blog post ..150 Words

  9. Paulette Hawes says:

    Hey Ash –

    This is so sweet – just like you too. Brett all excited that you may be pregnant, and you, excited but not sure it could possibly be true!!

    Love you both, almost three, Mom aka Future Baby Boy Gadd Grandma

  10. This is an amazingly touching post. Thanks for sharing such a personal and memorable moment from your journey.
    shaina longstreet´s last blog post ..taking a little break

  11. kelly ann says:

    This left me in a puddle of tears and joy. I love your writing so much. And I can’t for baby to be here! xo.
    kelly ann´s last blog post ..roots. feathers. antlers. treasures.

  12. Vanessa says:

    You are SO great at writing. So good that you make me want to pee on a stick right now. LOL

    How exciting that must have felt! <3
    Vanessa´s last blog post ..Celebrating.

  13. Michelle says:

    Wonderful, heartfelt post. So excited for you guys, the day you’ll become a mom is nearing!
    Michelle´s last blog post ..Weeknight Baking

  14. Lottie says:

    I love that yu had to fold the towels first–that would be soemthing I would have to do.

    Loved this :)
    Lottie´s last blog post ..Link list

  15. Liz says:

    I truly wish you could see the GIANT grin across my face right now!!! This was the best story ever!! I want moreeee haha Couldn’t be happier for you – you are both so deserving of this amazing blessing! Thank you for sharing this personal story with us :)

  16. Faith says:

    That is so awesome!!! What a sweet story! Can’t wait to “meet” your little one in a few weeks!
    Faith´s last blog post ..Good morning

  17. Dani says:

    My Dear Friend,

    I am sitting at my work computer, taking a mental break from work by catching up on blogs…

    And this post of yours brought such happy tears to my eyes. I am so excited for your journey and I am grateful for your openness and honesty in sharing it. I am also thankful that you are such a strong woman of God and speak openly about your faith.

    I am not sure what my future may hold, if it will include a husband and children like yours, but if it does I pray for the joy, love, and faith that your relationship seems to have.

    Dani
    Dani´s last blog post ..Introducing: Brianna

  18. What a beautiful post! I love knowing that backstory. So well written!!
    Natalie Lynn Borton´s last blog post ..new article on darling online.

  19. Pingback: february 25th. | Where My Heart Resides

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