the mom i want to be.

I want to be the kind of mom that lets my kid eat dirt occasionally. You know, the type that doesn’t freak out over the little things. I want to be the mom that lets my kid discover things on his own, even if that results in a few scabby knees that I later kiss, clean, and cover with a Spiderman band-aid.

I want to be the mom that makes a big freaking deal out of birthdays. Not the pinterest-shabby-chic-vintage-party kind of deal but the kind of deal where my baby is SO excited to wake up on his birthday because he knows what’s coming. He knows there will be chocolate chip pancakes and confetti and a trip to the zoo and juice boxes galore. He knows he’ll be allowed to stay up past his bedtime and eat extra dessert and *possibly* skip his nightly bath. Yes. I want to be the mom who makes a big freaking deal out of birthdays.

I want to be the kind of mom who goes down the slide and lets my kid eat snacks on the kitchen counter. I want to be an on-the-floor type of mom.

I want to be the kind of mom who teaches my son to love everyone regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, or any other difference under the sun. I want to be the mom who teaches my son that it’s our job to love people like Christ loves people. I want to be the mom who cares more about that lesson than anything he learns in algebra class.

Speaking of algebra class, I want to be the kind of mom who helps with homework (even if that means seeking much-needed help on the iPad). I want to be the mom who always has the good snacks and the good juice boxes. I (secretly) want to be a cool mom. I even want to be the kind of mom who knows how to throw a football.

I want to be the kind of mom who asks all the right questions at the right times—questions about girls and friends and drugs and sex. I want to be the kind of mom who doesn’t let the fear of having an awkward conversation hinder me from having a life-saving conversation with my child.

I want to be the kind of mom who is imperfect—who makes mistakes, forgets dentist appointments, and occasionally burns dinner. I want to be the kind of mom that admits wrongdoing and apologizes, who shows her children every day that she needs and depends on Jesus to make her whole.

I want to be the kind of mom who handles temper tantrums with grace, even in the middle of Target. I want to be the kind of mom who looks at another mom dealing with a tantrum and offers her a nod, a knowing smile, and a thumbs up to let her know she’s doing the best she can.

I want to be a joy-giver, a heart-shaper, a soul-steward.

And perhaps most of all, I want to be the kind of mom who loves hard—unconditionally—the person her child grows up to be, fully knowing and believing that God designed them.

I start the gig in five weeks. Wish me luck.

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17 Responses to the mom i want to be.

  1. Alli Moore says:

    Well said friend! I know you’ll do great and if you accomplish half of the things on that list, Baby Gadd is one lucky little man 😉

  2. Danielle says:

    Beautiful…..I have no doubt this will be you. From my experience, it is easy to be hard on yourself in the moments when you end the day saying “Today I was not the Mom I wanted to be.” Don’t be hard on yourself in those moments and realize it’s all part of the bigger picture. I am so freaking excited for you friend!

  3. Allie says:

    I’m sure you will be. 🙂
    Allie´s last blog post ..Object of Beauty

  4. Tamara says:

    beautifully said
    Tamara´s last blog post ..96 under foot

  5. michelle says:

    I LOVE this post, sounds like you’re going to be a pretty great mom!
    michelle´s last blog post ..13 simple steps to get you through a rough day

  6. Paulette Hawes says:

    Dear Ashlee –

    I wish I had your way with words – this post is beautiful! You are going to be a great sometimes perfect, imperfect, fun loving, spontaneous, and hard loving Mom. Your son is going to appreciate your sweetness, toughness, competitiveness, and in the teen years “unreasonable-ness”. When Baby Gadd is a man I believe he will look back on his growing up years with love and respect for his parents and so appreciate being raised in a God centered home.

    Love you, Brett and Baby Gadd, Mom

  7. Kaylan says:

    i absolutely LOVE this post, thank you for sharing. it brought tears to my eyes. my husband and i are expecting our first in just a few weeks as well. you’ll be a wonderful mom!
    Kaylan´s last blog post ..::little birds for baby::

  8. something about this post just touched my heart… I don’t have children, and my husband and I aren’t planning to, but I felt a little bit of a kindred spirit with you when I read this post. Thanks for being honest and real. You’re gonna be a great mamma. 🙂
    shaina longstreet´s last blog post ..taking a little break

  9. Holly says:

    Even though I don’t personally know you – I have a feeling that you’re going to do great. Your son is going to be one lucky kid 🙂
    Holly´s last blog post ..On working hard…

  10. Lauren says:

    I can help you with the football throwing department- remnant skill set from those childhood tomboy years. Between you and me, you’ll be throwing a wicked spiral before you even know it 😉

  11. kelly ann says:

    You. Will. Be. Amazing.

    <3
    kelly ann´s last blog post ..breathtaking.

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  13. Natalie says:

    This is so great! Such important qualities.

    Nice that you have this all written down so you can look back and remember what mattered most to you in the days leading up to first becoming a mother.

    And I have a feeling you are going to be the cool mom 🙂

  14. Cassie says:

    I recently came across your blog, at this point it escapes me how I came across it. I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I love your blog. It’s very personal to you, but it’s also very inspiring. I’m thoroughly enjoying reading about your pregnancy and all the excitement, adventures, emotions, etc that come along with it.
    My son is 9 months old. These past 9 months have flown by way to fast for me. Before I know it he is going to be 1! This post of yours really touched and inspired me because I want to be the exact same type of mom. My little boy is my whole world and I cannot wait to experience everything with him.
    So I just wanted to say thank you for this blog entry, I really thought it was great. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Get lots of rest now while you can. Soon your little baby boy is going to be here and your world is going to change for the better!

  15. Well said…I’m bookmarking this. You really hit it right on the head! 🙂
    natasha {schue love}´s last blog post ..Friday Fancies::April Showers

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